Why I can't just pull an Antwon Fisher

>You have to cut all ties when you decide to break the cycle. A person who has overcome a childhood of extreme neglect will attest to this. The few who have been fortunate enough to "get over" what they went through as children have NEVER looked back. I can't say all of them but the majority prefer to have no dealings with anyone from their childhood. But I am going to have to be honest with everyone; although I cut the strings with any extended family, I can't say the same for my siblings. This is one of my areas of weakness, and I'll tell you why.

I was like a mother to my siblings. I do have an older brother, but I was stronger than him. Mentally. He was not able to deal with what was taking place in our home and he eventually left us. But, I stayed. And because I remained with them and I was able to save the life of my youngest sister who almost died when she was about 9 months. It was the dead of winter and we didn't have any heat. I picked her up and noticed she had begun to turn a pinkish, bluish color. I took her over to my next door neighbor's house, and she made us some soup and gave me a blanket to bundle my sister up in. I took the food home and nursed my sister back to health. The next morning Tamara (my neighbor) brought me over some more soup, and a bottle of milk. My sister's health eventually got better. It's funny because all of these years, I have no idea what my sister was dying of. Tamara told me she thought my sister was freezing to death. I still don't know.

I have many stories like this but the purpose of telling the story was to explain how I became a mother to my siblings and why I have a difficult time cutting the umbilical cord.

But, I have to cut this cord guys. It's the only way. It's hard for me to do because I went from protecting and taking care of them like a mother to being a scapegoat. I spent my youth making sure they were not abused in any way. And somehow by doing these motherly things I began to think of them as my children and I haven't been able to change that. there was a time when they called me mom, and I referred to them as my children. And even when we were finally taken away from my parents I tried to attend every visit. Caught buses, hitch-hiked rides, etc. Most of which my mother NEVER showed up at.

And this is why I have such a difficult time completely letting go of my ties with my siblings, although a few of them behave towards me like they should behave to my mother. I carry the guilt of the way they grew up like I gave birth to each of them. That is why I can not just pull an "Antwon Fisher."

I know what I have to do to free myself, but it's hard for me to pull away. I made a vow to never leave them or walk away from them, but as we got older this was not reciprocated. Even with me having a family of my own, I worry about them like they are my own. But, their not! They are my mother's children. They are their father's children. However, the problem is that I can recall too vividly sitting in 5630 Warrington Ave. making promises to each of them to see them through to the end.

Did I see my brothers and sisters through? Yes, I did. I called D.H.S. and we were taken away from my parents. Why can't I process the rest? Who knows but it's about time.

Good Luck on your Journey!