Uncontained Love

Ever since I was a little girl, I've had a lot of love to give. It went unappreciated, so I was forced to create another persona to deal with all of the abuse. It wasn't easy -but it was necessary. It was necessary for me to become aggressive, strong, and paranoid in order to protect the little girl that I was inside. Sometimes I dreamed of her.

I am pushing thirty years old, and already it is beginning to show. I have a head dedicated to accepting new gray members daily, and my body refuses to heal at the speed it did when I was fifteen. And with this age, come a cross road. Do I continue to be hard or step back and allow my little girl to come forth? And this little girl that I am referring to is "ALL LOVE". I know nothing else about her, except she was important enough to be saved and rescued from a life of pain and misery. She was worthwhile. Instead of being molested and beaten with a paddle, I put myself in her place. She never saw or felt a thing. I protected her. She cried for me. I weathered THEIR damn storm. She provided me with the unconditional love I needed to overcome and maintain my sanity. Now she asks to be let out. To be freed from behind the exterior and allowed to get her feet wet. I cried for her last night. I was scared for her. Most people are not able to properly process pure untainted love. (If you are reading this, ask yourself when was the last time you returned my love for you?)

Love in our society is very much looked over and rejected -especially one as pure, wild, and strong as mines. I am a woman of extreme passion, with a lot of love to give. And I owe this little girl (me) a chance to express herself without limits. Without boundaries. It is actually the natural way of the Woman.

So, I chose to free her. If she chooses to come back, I'll have her. But, she was freed last night. At first, I didn't recognize her because she has grown into a woman as well. A lovely tanned skinned woman, with long thick hair, porcelain smooth like skin, white teeth and a mesmerizing smile. She came forth through tears, then through my pores, and finally through my dreams. It wasn't easy. We struggled as I slept, but I was no match for her gentle warm caring confident presence. She knew it, and with a kiss on my forehead nestled my thoughts back to sleep. I require rest. It is time for her to go out into the world and finish what she is here to do. She was first. I was created to protect her.

My time here is finished. Like spring after winter -but like summer, I'll be around.