Destined For Greatness

It's time for people to get off my bus. I had to kick a few members of my biological family off about two months ago and have noticed that my bus feels much lighter than before.

Carrying everyone to the promised land is not possible, although I was once under the impression that I was strong enough to do so. But once I saw the truth, it changed the way I saw things and I acted according to this new truth. Ahhhh!

To be this light on my feet is pleasing to my body.

Wednesday I started going back to talk therapy so that I can come up with a few new goals for myself. These goals will be what I use as I enter this next stage/level of my life. One of the things my therapist asked me to do was to come up with a list of ideal qualities that I'd like to have. The other thing she wanted me to do was to write down my ideal day. My mother or father are no where in these new goals. My siblings are no where in my new goals.

I like this stage.

It's fresh. It's new. It's exciting, filled with wonder & amazement. I smell change in the air. It's an overpowering smell, sort of like freshly cut grass on a Saturday morning. I can hear the sounds of better days where the water that flows forth from me will be free from poisons & toxins. The kind of clear fresh water that one can find in glaciers & polar ice caps will be found in my personal reservoir.

I like this stage.

It confirms to me that I have arrived. I have journeyed & backpacked across deserts, swam across shark infested oceans and ended up at the garden of Eden. I know my work is not done, nor did I expect it to be. However, I am taking this time to just take everything in. I am resting my bones, resting my mind, burning sage & incense, and putting my guns & knives away. Praying for the days ahead.

I like this stage and thank God that I have arrived.

Destiny: Something To Which A Person or Thing is Destined

Like a minute in a day
lightning in the sky
As you were emerging from out of me
I began to cry

I didn't know much then
But I have a better understanding now
of the significance you had
in my life when you made your first sound

I'll never forget the sparkles that glistened
when I first looked into your eyes
in them were my reasons to live and thrive
that soon replaced my selfish thoughts of dying

The pure smell of your flesh
as I held you close
suddenly you were all that I needed
and what I wanted the most

Your smile

Your happiness

You

There has never been a time
when you haven't managed to make me laugh
from the first time you learned to walk
to the first time I gave you a bubble bath

In all of the world, there will never be another like you
take peace and comfort in this
bless the world with your presence
as you have done for me.

Shelter for My Sisters Because I Am Being Restored

What about on a spiritual level?

Everyone wants to be famous for doing the "Claire Huxtable" in the African Female Community (thanks Khadija for that one) but what about the Spiritual Level? Trying to know God/dess while here on earth and then exhibiting God/dess-Like behavior. I would gladly stand by such a woman because that is who I am.

She is a rarity.

I enjoy reading the thoughts and essays written by a woman who has chosen not to belittle herself or ever lower herself to someone else's standards. It is hard here in America to find such a woman. A woman that has been enticed by temptation but has managed to "stay straight."

In the meantime, that is how I'd like to be remembered and what I'd like to be known for...following that narrow road to God. Giving the best of me to everyone I meet, doing whatever God asks of me.

African American women, at the end of time, will be able to say that we had dialogue with other African American women and collectively discussed our fate. Whether we agreed on a path to take or if each of us went our own separate ways, we discussed our future with other women of color, and I was apart of one of the many necessary conversations that have taken place.

I am participating in some of world's most beautiful thoughtful, provocative conversations. As a child, I'd never imagine such a beauty and the fact that these smalls moments are not bragged about is surprising and at the same time puzzling.

There is a calm when you live in peace and dwell in growth. I like the angle I see life from because it changes as I wisen, mature and grow. It's not a permanent state of mind. I am free to change my road if need be, and I like that. There are many discussions taking place about the state of the black community/family. Conversations and blogs written about everything from disciple to friendship. Leaving me many times speechless because of the importance of it all.

What is the African American's Woman next move?

Why does she choose this path?

How will it benefit her?

What are the consequences of her current conditions?

How does she go about making a change?

What literature we suggest for further study?

Last hopes, wishes, thoughts and prayers?

I am listening to the comments of an extremely intelligent, capable group of women whom, with God/dess grace and mercy will be able to give AA women a starting point to call our own. With this new hope, we encourage other women to be "prayed up" for days ahead. This is crucial for our survival for not only our individual survival but collective as well.

We may not admit to it but there is nothing like a "girlfriends" love. Nothing like calling another sister when we are upset and ready to kill everyone within eyesight. She'll ride with us because she is there in "our" moment...never really liked that guy anyway. She is familiar with our struggle and for some unexplainable reason, we appreciate her more than anyone of our other friends. It is this woman/friend we are missing and yearning for in the African American community.

Most of us know this and that is why not having a friend is considered such a horrible thing especially after one has made all of the right decisions.

What happened to the African American Women Community and can her heart be repaired and her doubts unfounded enough to begin a friendship with someone who needs her --like another AA woman?

Seems the female spirit has been torn apart by the collective. She isn't as strong and potent as before. She's lost a lot of her power and now resorts as being referred to as a gift, or an exception. If you have a true friend that you can count on for emotional support, you are very lucky. Be sure to nurture and maintain that unity. What you have is a rarity in the African American community.

Can we heal her in time? In my personal opinion, we're beyond certain things by now and we all haven't grasped that fact. Friendships are overrated and unnecessary because we don't need that lifeline to survive; there will always be life found in the artificial. Enough so that we are able to avoid one-on-one contact and remain selfish and only concerned with our individual needs.

But back to the question about the spiritual level.

It's not popular nor will it bring you fame; people knowing what you've contributed to the soul of the Universe. The deeds that you perform on a spiritual level stay there. Sometimes when you do things for God it is just between you and him/her. There isn't another soul who knows of your deeds. They remain unknown to man, no matter how "good" the decision you've made.

Honestly, I'd prefer just God to know of my actions and thoughts, this way I can be judged by the Judge...whoever s/he is. But sometimes I would like to be recognized and appreciated for my works by my fellow man and no matter what I do, they pass me by. Not all but enough to remind me that I am not a Beyonce Knowles nor will I ever be a Paris Hilton.

As my husband always points out, a bi-polar Assata Shakur with an eccentric, eclectic twist. I gladly take that title. It is my crown and the only person I can be.

Tired of Garbage Music? Check these men out: Maxwell & Jamiroquai

Alrite, I've been taking some time to get my thoughts together. Right now, my mind is being subjected to many changes and truths as they resonate with my soul at this time. I can always change my mind later.
So, please bear with me as I take the necessary time to my act/mind together. Until then, I'd like to leave you with two videos from fantastic artists like Maxwell and Jam

The first is Maxwell's This Woman's Work and to be completely honest there is a whole list of things I love about this song. One of the first things that come to mind is the way it pulls at my heart string's as soon as the song starts to play. I really can't say too much about Maxwell at this moment...I'd go on and on and on --well you get point.



Maxwell's This Woman's Work

The second video is by Jamiroquai. The name of the song is Corner of the Earth. It's a little jazzy toe-tapping song that you can't afford to miss or not give a good lesson. I was introduced to Jamiroquai in Germany. His music took over the Germany video station my husband and I use to listen to, in order to get our hip-hop & R.B fix. (In fact, that was the first time I heard of Cee-lo and have been in love with him ever since. It was the video of Closet Freak.) Jamiroquai made me take an geniune interest in him with the creative videos and his unique funky "come and take me" style.

Check him out. You'll be glad you did.

Thoughts By My Fellow Man: A Series

I am starting a series of Thoughts By My Fellow Man. Thoughts By My Fellow Man is a statement from an "average" human being that is of such insight and importance that everyone should hear it. It's important to know what our fellow man thinks.

The first Thought has been provided by my best friend, Link.

"As long as I'm eating NO man should starve...my bread is your bread."

Can anyone else say they have felt like this for another person? If you have when was the last time you had such a thought?

I met Link in Germany when he was ten years old. We clicked and have been like sister and brother since. He is my friend. Blood in, Blood Out. Link is nineteen years old and is looking forward to relocating to Germany for a job in the next year. He's a great hip-hop artist and likes to refer to himself as "Hip-Hop's Savior." And we all should be thankful for that given the current state of hip-hop. Good Luck Link! Check out his Myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecomlinklust

Because most of us are consumed with making money, keeping up with the Joneses' we no longer have the heart and concern to care for other human beings. I watch enough of it every day to know, that very few people can come out of their own worlds to enter into the zone of another person. It's a dangerous way to live and your soul will not benefit from this kind of thinking. Most of us live eat and thrive, but we are NOT sharing what we have with others.

As Link said, as long as each of us has something to give (smile, hug, book, song, letter, phone call, note card, money, food, clothing word of advice, ear, should of support) no other person should have to go without. DAMN!
Link, thank you for showing us that it is okay to share with others -whatever we have- and providing us with the first Thoughts By My Fellow Man.

Second Thoughts by My Fellow Man

In this series of Thoughts By My Fellow Man I have highlighted and made a mental note to tell others of the wisdom and common sense being spewed forth from "average" individuals. To often we read quotes from people dead and gone and while their view points are needed and should be used as reminders to the younger generation I will say this; there are people that we choose to walk by everyday that have built in reservoirs of knowledge and useful information. I can remember the first time I heard, Saul Williams, Talk To Strangers I was deeply moved by the song because I have always talked to complete strangers. In fact, whenever I am late or take longer than what is necessary my family will say, "She's talking to somebody." It doesn't matter. It one of the way I stay sane in this insane world.

Today's thoughts is by Khadija one of my most favorite bloggers. You can check her out here. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/
She was responding to a posting about why it is important for black women to reconsider the support we give to most damaged beyond repair black men. With that being said, I am an advocate for interracial relationships. Black women MUST widen their dating pools at as soon as possible. If you would like to read her response in it's entirety, please do so by going here.

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2008/10/living-well-not.html

Thoughts by our Fellow Man

"Once somebody harms a person, that person is not obligated to concern themselves with "redeeming" the aggressor. Or concern themselves with whether or not the attacker is redeemable. This sort of thinking is anti-self-preservation."

We women have been pretty well beaten down and stepped on by almost everyone. It's damn near difficult to get any respect --including other females. I've made a promise to myself to watch how I treat and speak about other women especially black women. Immediately I found myself gasping for air whenever I made a remark about a situation because rarely did I step into it acknowledging that I was dealing with another female spirit. The only thing I saw was a issue, and that made me really unsympathetic towards them. So, the first thing I do is make sure I openly acknowledge the gender, then I deal with the situation and usually this causes me to be flexible in my thinking. I don't want to hurt or contribute to the pain of other black women in any way.

Khadija's comment is for any women who has ever been abused or violated by a person. It demands me to ask of myself and for you to ask of yourself, what is self preservation?

Webster's Dictionary has this definition:

Main Entry:
self–pres·er·va·tion
Pronunciation:
\-ˌpre-zər-ˈvā-shən\
Function:
noun
Date:
circa 1614
1 : preservation of oneself from destruction or harm
2 : a natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one's own existence


What must I do to preserve myself from the harm being inflicted by other people? Does a lion go back to the scene of battle and concern himself with whether he killed the hyena? Noooo! In my opinion, this care & concern for the aggressor is deeply ingrained in religion. But at the same time there are many parts of the bible that tells you a "eye for a eye."

For me this feeling of no longer feeling sorry for those whom have preyed on me as a child, is something new for me. I just adapted this thinking in the last week or so, and it shows, I admit. I'm a newbie but I understand the principle so well, I feel like on oldie. I am now like a wild animal, I have no remorse for those who try to do me harm. I will not tolerate it, neither should you.

I am Artemis Hunter: Devoted to The Chase (Poem)

I met a god on the way to the market place

With a smile upon his face

He walked upright

Strong like

His shoulders were bare and a tattoo of my name was engraved across his back

Intrigued, I then followed him until the wind swept him away


I cried in every emotion you can think of

Hoping my guy would reappear

Walking well into the night


"Fall back, my friend…fall back"


"Come unto thee & show me your face"


But the moonlight was not very bright that night

And he was able to hide amongst the shadows of our two worlds

I wish him well

I wish him peace

I never got his name

But neither could I forget mines

It was etched across his back



He can run for now

And at the morning's first light

I will hunt him down

A Letter To The Universe: That Which I Am A Part Of

I received that email I was expecting and just as I suspected I was emotionally bullied and totally misunderstood. Most people have no clue of the steps that are necessary in order to be freed from a life of misery and pain; this goes double for my family. I would share a excerpt from the email but who cares? I have to leave people with little vision alone so that they can get in contact with what they need to do in order to free themselves.

Freedom comes at a cost. It's different for each person, I know. What I must do to be liberated is not what they must do, and the real truth is that I have gotten this far without my family. What do I need to go through their shit for? There is NOTHING for me back there with them.

Dearest Universe,

Here I am a faithful servant with an ego and selfish needs. If I am taking the wrong road with my family, shed your wisdom upon me so that I can do better. There is a lot of pain and hurt in the hearts of my relatives. And it pains me to remain in close contact with them, so I decided to cut all ties until they seek professional help. I know it'll get easier as the years go by, but they don't think I can do it and that alone will remain my inspiration.
I have a writing career I must focus on and my family --who returns my love. My siblings and mothers are very selfish, spiteful people. I admit I was once that way but stone by stone I have built a different kind of life for myself. I am very proud of the changes I have made and I look forward to MANY more. I look forward to establishing myself as a writer, watching my children graduate from college, having grandchildren, returning back to Europe, and remaining partnered up with my husband until our flesh goes back to the earth. And our spirits linger, roam and are truly freed.
If there is something I am not seeing, shine your light on it. Because right now I will have nothing more to do with any of them. I am smiling as I say this because I would have never thought I was able to reach this level of maturity. I have loved them all, one in particular but I draw a line. It was you who have provided me with this strength and insight in the first place. It was you who demanded me to demand more from myself. I have done all that you asked. Is there anything else you need me to do in regards to my family or am I free to move on? I'll await your answer as I always do.
Your devoted servant,
Latasha

PS. How long did they expect me to wait?

Changes

I've heard a lot of people say that their children was their inspiration behind the drastic change in their personal lives. Whether it is developing better eating habits, becoming more disciplined, or something as simple as going green. I must admit, my children were not a factor in any of my changes. For example, I started seeing an psychiatrist because I knew I needed professional help, and if I didn't get any kind of one-on-one attention I was probably not going to be mentally strong enough to make responsible decisions in my future. I didn't want that for myself. I desired a different kind of life where people communicate and not constantly argue and fight with one another. It had Nothing to do with my daughter.

Speaking of which, I left my oldest daughter's father because I could not allow a man to continuously abuse me and beat on me as if I was his personal punching bag. And although I fought him back, that shit was for the birds. But I didn't leave him because of what she deserved. I didn't even think of her when it was time to move on.

My motives were always selfish.

I am bold enough to say admit to having purely selfish motives for almost everything. Of course, I know that when I make a change for the better or worse that my family and close friends will benefit from it, but that's hardly in my mind when I set about making a change. I want happiness. I yearn for peace. I desire a harmonious home and I make the necessary changes for myself. Any change causes a ripple effect, and the changes a person makes for the better or worse are no different.

However, my change in course will always remains selfish.

I believe more people should be selfish, especially women & mothers. I meet more stay at home mothers who complain about NOT being able to get a day to themselves...sad! They feel guilty if they go to the movie theater without their children. They are ashamed to admit that they left their kiddos in the house with their spouse when they are "caught" out alone. (Yes, I've met women who've admitted to being "caught" when they were somewhere without their children.)

I'm sure this is a bit extreme as well, but most people do not know that I have children until they are introduced to them. I am ALWAYS out alone.

It's rather sad and pitiful to not be able to take care of your own needs. To be so wrapped up IN another human being that you lose sight of yourself seems to be extreme and unfair to the soul. I know nothing of living like this.