Don'e Be Scared to See A Shrink

Don't be scared to say, "I want to break the cycle. I don't want to be responsible for robbing my children of their youth. I don't want to die without fulfilling a dream. Or not knowing what it's like to live in peace, to pursue goals, to paint a picture my way." People say there are only 365 day in a year, 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week. To the average man that is not enough time, but to a person whose known almost nothing but abuse and neglect, it's more than enough time. You know why? Because you have the benefit of knowing absolutely nothing about "not enough time in a day." For us there was always too much time, and not enough other stuff. So, work with this time. It's yours. You don't have much else. And since the time must be spent doing something, engage in battle with yourself. I am talking about THERAPY.

I was taken away from my mom when I was very young, and the years before I was taken away and the years immediately after being removed from my parents home were the most difficult. One reason is because I wanted to be taken away from my mother. I did not want to stay with her any longer. It was too much fighting, not enough food, and just about no love. And, IMMEDIATELY upon being placed in respite foster care, therapy was suggested. My social worker had all kinds of people lined up for me to talk to when I was a child, and I did. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist if you have want to break that cycle. It's important to establish a support system with someone who has your best interest at heart when you first begin to go after what you are ENTITLED to in life. That is why I suggest therapy.

Breaking cycles of extreme abuse requires devotion, strength and dedication. It's as simple as, if you don't know that there is anything wrong with the way you think, you are doomed to fail. If you think it is normal for someone you are intimate with to put their hands on you, you are wrong. Even if that is all you have ever witnessed (men and women fighting) it is still wrong. A real man does NOT put his hands on a woman. Now the kicker is, a real woman does NOT allow a man to put his hands on her other than the usual caressing, touching and fondling.

And if this is the only kind of interaction you've ever lay witness too - then it is all you're ever going to know- unless you choose to do something about it. And for most of us that includes seeing a professional so we can figure out ---why we do certain things. And then making the necessary arrangements to get ourselves out of the environment which promotes this kind of behavior. This begins what I would consider the cleansing and flushing process. Which you should only do with the support and on the shoulder of a psychiatrist or therapist (unless you have another support team) until you learn enough coping mechanisms to handle things by yourself.

Shit is real guys. We victims of abuse keep a lot of these types of abuse going into the future. We engage in all kinds of unhealthy relationships, treat our children or those closest to us the only way we know how to treat others, and all that is okay. But I am telling you, that time can be over. Go see a therapist. Open the yellow pages of your nearest phone book and make the call. If you don't have the money and are on welfare your social worker can help you. She can either put you in touch with someone or give you some phone numbers.

I once heard someone say this, "if you sustained extended trauma, persecution and violence, wouldn't you need a period of recovery? notice that when white kids shoot up the schools, the first item on the agenda is counseling."

Unfortunately, in the black community going to a counselor is unheard of. Think about it, how many of us have ever heard of a relative going to see a "shrink." And until they learn something different they will probably never go to see one.

Remember, counseling is not an over night cure. By no means. I still carry the effects of my childhood. I was taken away from my parents because things had gotten real bad with my parents. Their drug habits trumped everything. But, I am still one of the fortunate ones. I know that not everyone can claim victory, and I've been told the numbers are growing smaller. My heart mourns for thee. Life in prison. Dreams deferred.

There is no more help for the town's idiot, the neglected child. You have to care about yourself enough to seek help. Yes, help. I said it and everybody needs it. Now let me say this, if you've noticed, I have said very little about what begins to happen after you start talking about things that happened to you as a child. It will break the strongest of us down but (hopefully) provide us at the same time with enough tools to build ourselves up. You'll discover a lot about yourself by going to see a counselor. I can't tell you things will be easy, but anything is better than the alternative. The nightmares never completely go away, but they do become easier to deal with.