It's time for people to get off my bus. I had to kick a few members of my biological family off about two months ago and have noticed that my bus feels much lighter than before.
Carrying everyone to the promised land is not possible, although I was once under the impression that I was strong enough to do so. But once I saw the truth, it changed the way I saw things and I acted according to this new truth. Ahhhh!
To be this light on my feet is pleasing to my body.
Wednesday I started going back to talk therapy so that I can come up with a few new goals for myself. These goals will be what I use as I enter this next stage/level of my life. One of the things my therapist asked me to do was to come up with a list of ideal qualities that I'd like to have. The other thing she wanted me to do was to write down my ideal day. My mother or father are no where in these new goals. My siblings are no where in my new goals.
I like this stage.
It's fresh. It's new. It's exciting, filled with wonder & amazement. I smell change in the air. It's an overpowering smell, sort of like freshly cut grass on a Saturday morning. I can hear the sounds of better days where the water that flows forth from me will be free from poisons & toxins. The kind of clear fresh water that one can find in glaciers & polar ice caps will be found in my personal reservoir.
I like this stage.
It confirms to me that I have arrived. I have journeyed & backpacked across deserts, swam across shark infested oceans and ended up at the garden of Eden. I know my work is not done, nor did I expect it to be. However, I am taking this time to just take everything in. I am resting my bones, resting my mind, burning sage & incense, and putting my guns & knives away. Praying for the days ahead.
I like this stage and thank God that I have arrived.
2 comments:
I seem to have found a new peace, one that I never knew exsisted.
I was struggling a little last night, kind of in a mood, but when I woke up this morning I thought about it, I was in a mood that was a bit sad but not really angry, and it passed almost as quickly as it came.
This is not something that happened with the old me, the resentful me. The old me would have held on to the resentment for days of even weeks, not wanting to let go because I didn't know how to handle feeling OK, that is what it was, I didn't know how to feel good about what was going on in my life and it just felt right to be in pain and resentful all the time.
Now no matter what I have going on I know that no matter how bad it is, it to shall pass.
I too let all of my family off the bus, that is a huge part of the relief that I have felt. I no longer need to worry about having anyoe else's acceptance. Having realized that lookng to someone else to feel good about myself is not the way to a healthy spiritual life. It is exactly the opposite, and the fact of the matter is most people that feed off of others who need their acceptance, never really accept anyway. It is all a lie, a big game without a winner.
The ones looking for acceptance never really feel the love and they loose, and the ones standing on their self made pedastal just move on to their next emotional victim when they are found out.
It sounds like a loosing proposition to me!
I know I am on a never ending quest for the truth, and if the bullsit needs to be exposed along the way, so be it.
Because the truth and the light is all that really matters to me.
somebodies friend,
Sorry it took me so long to respond but I have been really overwhelmed these last few days.
It's really sad the way people like you & I were made to feel like we were suppose to carry our family on our backs. I never want to feel that way again and will do almost anything to stay away from people who believe it is my job to do such.
I am where I am suppose to be at. I hope you are too.
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