Power

Have your power ever been taken away from you? If so, what are you doing to get it back?

As a child, I would freeze up when a man molested me. I couldn't move...I just couldn't move. And this fact followed me until about three years ago, when I falsely accused someone very dear and close to my heart of making a sexually inappropriate comment to me. I remember him making the comment, and my body going into "freeze" mode. About a year and a half ago, we were able to reconcile but if he had not continued to pursue this issue, I would have always thought of him as a pervert.

I was not one of those children who tried to fight their perpetrator the entire time a assault was taking place. I just went to that place in my head. The same one you hear so many victims of a rape or sexual molestation say they go. I knew everything that was happening to me, but my body would not move. The man who tried to rape me, was the only man I fought. I can't tell you why, but I remember moving my legs to the left and right and then bending them so that he could not spread them apart. He was extremely drunk so he finally gave up and I walk back to where I was sleeping.

The victims of sexual abuse normally fall into two categories. Those who fought back the entire time are the ones who never gave up their power. They are the victims who after being violated take up self-defense classes, or get their permit to carry, or begin carrying mace & pepper spray. The individuals in the other categories are the ones who did not fight back and they do things like feel more comfortable with extra flesh on their bodies, or begin to have lots of sex with different people.

The ones in the second catergory carry around the fact that they have allowed another human being to take their power away from them. I carried this until yesterday. I will never allow another person to take what is rightfully mines again. I have always had an amazing spirit, always strong-willed, always intelligent, always creative, always powerful...except in this one area. Where no matter what, I could not will my body to move, I could not will my mouth to yell when a man was molesting me. And up until yesterday, I could not will my mind to see that I have been given my power back in that area.

Damn...my power. I gave it up and never realized it. When I heard my therapist say that, I was immediately healed. So much began to make sense for me. What I've allowed over the years, what I've participated in, what I didn't say. All because I have never plugged that hole up.

Never EVER Again!