To be honest, I don't know who I am anymore. So many small minuet changes have taken place in my life, in my mind and my spirit that it feels wrong to even discuss them in this post. November 4, 2008 I started running. I haven't missed a day yet, and January 1, 2009, I will begin the New Year running a 5-K race. If you had asked me about this last October, I would have laughed.
I don't know what is happening to me. I know that I'm changing, and the strongholds of yesterday are past. Everything is much more clearer to me, and suddenly my confidence have soared through the roof. I know that much of this has to do with the fact that I now have my power back. The power I continued to hand over to every guy who ever molested me by feeling much more comfortable overweight than fit. I know much of this also has to do with the conversation I had with Khadija, when she spoke the truth about a black woman's interior and how it does not match up with the way the look on the outside. That comment spoke volumes to me.
The last ten years have led me to this place where I control almost every aspect of my life and there are moments during the day when this feeling of joy is uncontrollable.
4 comments:
This post speaks volumes to me, I too, have taken my power back, and it feels great. But at the same time I still feel like I am going through changes.
I am happy to say that there isn't much of the old me hanging on anymore, to bog me down, and tell me I am not worthy.
I am just realizing I no longer need to play the victim, for myself or anyone else and it is freeing. I can tell that others see the changes in me, and some of them like it, but of corse many of them don't. What others think doesn't matter to me anymore.
As a matter of fact, the less I think about what others think, the more they seem to wonder what is going on with me, but that doesn't matter, what they think.
The more of my power I take back, the less power the haters have over me, I can see it, and I like the new powerful me.
What a powerful post! Sometimes internal change sneaks up on us and we realize we are not the people we used to be.
I used to carry so much baggage about my past behavior and situations and one day recently it hit me, I am no longer that girl but a confident grown woman.
Good luck with the run!
Blackgirlinmaine,
I agree with everything you said. I wish I could articulate everything that is happening but the change was sooooo sudden.
Thanks!
DeStouet, good luck with the run. Even though I don't know you, I'm very proud of you.
What a powerful and encouraging post. I believe that every time we reclaim our power, we push ourselves to another level, closer to our divine selves. I have been hemming and hawing about beginning an exercise routine. Thank you for reminding me that the longer I wait and procrastinate about taking control of that area of my life (as well as others), the more I shortchange myself.
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