Just stick to the plan

I was speaking with my hubby on the phone this morning, sharing with him my concerns about the economy amongst other important things. In just a matter of a year, I have met more people than I care to count that has been affected one way or another by this economy. Some people have lost their jobs, some people can no longer afford health care, some people have lost their entire life saving, while others have lost their homes. Every day I am simply amazed at the stories I hear first hand from individuals who were once living the "American Dream."

Anyway, I told me husband that I was a little bit scared, and his exact words were, "Why are you scared when you have a plan? Just stick to it." Immediately -and I do mean immediately- a heavy burden had been removed from my shoulders and I felt light on my feet again. All of a sudden the stories I had been hearing on the news meant absolutely nothing. All of the articles I had been reading meant absolutely nothing. In that few seconds I became confident in....well....me again.

Because, irregardless of what is going on in the world around me, all I have to do is stick to my plan. Now I understand that I may have to make necessary adjustments when the time comes, and that is to be expected but other than that I'll stick to my plan.

For example, the plan for me was to wait until I graduated from college before I started trying to look for work of any sort. Well the plan has been changed. Because of a huge discussion by my favorite blogger Khadija, I decided that I may need to start looking into another stream of income ASAP.

As long as I stick to the plan nothing can go wrong. Even if I get off track, the only thing I must do is get right back on track again. No sweat! This was the absolute best news that I've heard all year -and Spring has not even sprung.

My husband reminded me that he has had the same plan since he was just 17 years old. Although he has had to make some adjustments, overall things are going according to his plan. That was really encouraging to hear.

I'm sticking to the plan guys!

Celebrate Life

For far too long, I've been caught up in making improvements in every area of my life, but once I am successful, I immediately come up with another goal. Very rarely, have I've gotten to the top of a mountain and celebrated. Just jumped up and down, danced and sung to the tune of my success. I've decided that I am not going to do that anymore. In fact, I've decided that I am going to celebrate something about myself, every single day. I figure that if it's my life, my journey, my soul that is on the line, then I can throw a party for my choices, my seeds, my fruits and my joys everyday of the rest of my life.

As a human, I know whats it's like to be depressed, sad, angry, feel like a failure and consumed by the "blues". I also know exactly whats it's like to be in love, to give birth to life, to be consumed with joy and to find happiness in all of the small things many people take for granted. And since that is true for me, I have means to celebrate -much more than I allow myself to do.

And if I know life, the next hurdle is right around the corner. The next mountain in straight up ahead. They are not going anywhere. But in this moment, is victory.

As many demons as I wrestle with, I have beaten more than I currently wrestle with. As many strongholds I have yet to get rid of, I have watched millions fall to the waist side. I am a bad "Motha-Shut-Your-Mouth". To come through a childhood like mines and still be able to stand tall, shows the amount of work I put in. I am not bitter, still teachable, still open and receptive to all. Now if that is not reason enough to keep a smile on my face, and victory in my heart, it will never be enough.

If now is not the time to celebrate it will never be the time. I celebrate because I kick ass! I celebrate because I have freed myself. I celebrate because I have broken the chain. I celebrate because single-handedly I am the greatest person who ever existed -hands down. I celebrate because I am my own hero. I celebrate ME because I don't need a reason, and I know it.

Time to Crank It Up A Notch

One of my new goals is going to be, accepting more responsibility in my life. Poets and Writers have the tendency to really enjoy their solitude and I am no exception. But Saul Williams, one of my favorite poets and musicians, said something last year that stayed with me from the moment I read it. (I'm paraphrasing here) "how it is important for poets and writers to come out of their comfront zone and accept more responsibility for the world we live in." Not just sit alone in our homes, favorite coffee shop, or library and write but make more of an initiative to "get out" there. By "get out" there, I believe he was talking about cranking everything we do up a notch.

By nature, I am a writer, a thinker, and an analyzer. I am going to do everything my way, and fully accept whatever consequences that may come later. (One of the quotes I personally live by is, "I'd rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.") What I am NOT, by nature, is a housekeeper. Cleaning, scrubbing and making sure my home is tidy does not come natural to me. For the most part, I have NO idea where to start. And since I've lived most of my life without a mother figure, still am pretty clueless. But in this promise to myself to crank "life" up a notch, I have decided to become a better housekeeper in my own home.

And lo and behold, I wake up this morning and read Sister's Chi-Chi's post on Home is Where the Heart Is. Which is extremely true for me. However, just when I was about to ask her where did she start, she posted a link to Organization. (Almost as if she wrote this particular post with me in mind)It came complete with details and all. Yeah! I am on the "effin" ball here.

In addition to her beautiful post about her maintaining the castle her king and two little princes reside in, she also mentions something I am constantly battling (although it is not much of one any longer) in my home...television. I am NOT a television watcher. There isn't a program on the idiot box that entices me, except that new channel, LINK TV. But my husband claims to need his television. And he watches plenty of it too. We have one in our room, but I refused to get the cable box connected in our bedroom (which my mother-in-law brought for him last Christmas) so the only thing that he can watch on that one are DVD's. And sometimes he uses it to play his game box. But no live television.

However, he slips A LOT and allows the children to watch to much tv. Every time I turn around (especially on the weekend's) I have to direct the children to other activities. And since my mother-in-law moved in, I am now required to do the same with her television. One day I walked into her bedroom and my oldest daughter was watching, Chocolate News, the new program on Comedy Central.

I remember walking past her bedroom, hearing all kinds of foul language, opened the door to her bedroom, saw my oldest daughter sitting on the bed beside her, and I just stared at my daughter. Within a few seconds she just got up and left. (I'll admit, I also lost a great deal of respect for my mother-in-law that day). I walked into the living room where my daughter was sitting and asked her what that program was about. She said that she really didn't know, so I approached my mother-in-law and told her for the umpteenth time to stop allowing my children to watch programs with her.

It looks like the only way I am going to be able to control the situation with my children, is to permit them to only watch DVD's. I'll keep you updated on that.

As far as sounds, we only play new age, spa radio, classical music and jazz in our home. In my bedroom, I play a larger variety but never "raw" rap or baby making music like R-Kelly. I am a true believer in burning incense and candles. I also purify my home twice a month by burning sage. Around seven o clock in the evening, all noises including the music are normally powered off and we are making preparations for the next day.

My home is remarkably calm and peaceful. My children all run the halls playing tag, inviting me and my husband to picnics and tea parties, and whole body massages are a part of our weekly -if not daily- routine. I love touching the skin on my family and they just suck it up. There is no doubt, I've been blessed by the God's. But I can still kick everything up an entire notch -or two. And I am going to enjoy doing it. The first place I am going to start is in my home by keeping it much tidier, and focusing on keeping everything in its place. Thank you, Chi-Chi!

There ain't no shame, in this writer's game!

It's time for a change

As a child, I desired to live a life of peace and joy more than anything else in the world. My eyes would brighten at the sight of a father kissing his child on the cheek or at the sight of a mother holding her children hands as she walked with them to school on their very first day. Tears would creep into the corners of my eyes whenever I saw genuine displays of affection and witnessed tender touches between two individuals. I wanted to live that kind of life. Be involved in that kind of existence, more than anything else.

I remember it wasn't until I was about thirteen when I realized not all people communicated by arguing, disagreeing, yelling and screaming. It literally blew my mind. But more than that, it was intriguing and a mystery that I yearned to understand. The key to communication. The key to peace. The key to happiness. The key to living a life of tranquility and serenity.

I even marveled at adults who choose the sounds of jazz over the beats of hip-hop and R&B, and fell in love with Mr. Harvey Snyder, who was the first person to introduce me to classical music. It was his house, in Jenkintown, Pa. that I sat and observed my first Thanksgiving Dinner, and felt at home as his large family sat around a dining room table that easily seated ten people. I watched and participated in his family's jokes and their conversations. I could have sat and watched them eat, talk and laugh all evening long.

Peace for me has always been something internal. And even in my darkest hour, I strived towards it. Every arrow I threw was with the understanding that one day, I would be victorious.

And to be completely honest, I have no idea when it happened. One day I looked up and had raised two beautiful daughters, and a little boy. One day my daughter declared she loves getting up on the weekends and running into my room, and getting under the blanket with me (because my body is soooo warm). One day I was able to write poems and stories without a house filled with loud disturbing noises. One day I was able to find joy taking long walks in the rain and able to make a mistake without having it rubbed in my face. I was able to live and let live, as the old saying goes. I was able to have everything I put out reciprocated and let the necessary people off my bus without confrontation or getting ugly.

I've shared this with my family but it is time for me to come up with some other goals, because if I died today or tomorrow, I would be still and filled with joy. I would be satisfied with the choices and decisions I've made up until now. So, it's time for another set of goals. Something even greater and more mysterious than peace. How about being the absolute best person I can be? Getting rid of the rest of the negative, poisonious thinking I was conditioned to accept as a child once and for all?

I am a writer. A mask is not befitting of me. Any kind of toxic thoughts needs to be addressed immediately. This can be my new goal, because I have found an ocean of peace. A forest of joy and I have learned how to "fly high."

Stevie Wonder - Rocket Love

Need I say more. Introducing Mr. Stevie Wonder.

Cee-lo- Bad Motha

As my friend would say, "TOOT-TOOT". "BEEP-BEEP".

"You can't handle me ___, I'm too much." - Cee-LO

Bad Motha.

Saul Williams- DNA

Saul is...Saul. Every time I listen to this video, I am convince G-d is speaking to me. Feel the Beat!

Power

Have your power ever been taken away from you? If so, what are you doing to get it back?

As a child, I would freeze up when a man molested me. I couldn't move...I just couldn't move. And this fact followed me until about three years ago, when I falsely accused someone very dear and close to my heart of making a sexually inappropriate comment to me. I remember him making the comment, and my body going into "freeze" mode. About a year and a half ago, we were able to reconcile but if he had not continued to pursue this issue, I would have always thought of him as a pervert.

I was not one of those children who tried to fight their perpetrator the entire time a assault was taking place. I just went to that place in my head. The same one you hear so many victims of a rape or sexual molestation say they go. I knew everything that was happening to me, but my body would not move. The man who tried to rape me, was the only man I fought. I can't tell you why, but I remember moving my legs to the left and right and then bending them so that he could not spread them apart. He was extremely drunk so he finally gave up and I walk back to where I was sleeping.

The victims of sexual abuse normally fall into two categories. Those who fought back the entire time are the ones who never gave up their power. They are the victims who after being violated take up self-defense classes, or get their permit to carry, or begin carrying mace & pepper spray. The individuals in the other categories are the ones who did not fight back and they do things like feel more comfortable with extra flesh on their bodies, or begin to have lots of sex with different people.

The ones in the second catergory carry around the fact that they have allowed another human being to take their power away from them. I carried this until yesterday. I will never allow another person to take what is rightfully mines again. I have always had an amazing spirit, always strong-willed, always intelligent, always creative, always powerful...except in this one area. Where no matter what, I could not will my body to move, I could not will my mouth to yell when a man was molesting me. And up until yesterday, I could not will my mind to see that I have been given my power back in that area.

Damn...my power. I gave it up and never realized it. When I heard my therapist say that, I was immediately healed. So much began to make sense for me. What I've allowed over the years, what I've participated in, what I didn't say. All because I have never plugged that hole up.

Never EVER Again!

Reading Of Dear History

I read lots of books and articles and essays and poems and blogs and songs and ideas and dreams and names to my children. And for the most part, I can not get my youngest son to be quiet and remain still enough, so that I can get through a short story or two, but tonight something happened as I was reading that has never taken place before.

Tonight I read them Saul Williams, Dear History, no one moved.

My normally active, rambunctious son sat still and not only allowed me to finish the poem but two of the others that followed it. Never before has anything like that happened. My husband didn't have to try to get him to remain in one spot. His oldest sister did not have to coax him into sitting besides her as I tried to rush through the remainder of a story. It was peaceful, still & the energy in the room was unlike any of the energy that we normally have during reading time.

Below is an excerpt;

Dear History,

For too long have I pondered your meaning, memorized dates of battles, years of servitude, decades of injustice, named eras after movements, mourned the extinction of species, cursed founding fathers, worn vintage suits and cloaked myself with references of your hold on me.

I have walked through museums wondering how it is that greatness had lived and died all before my time. Parts of me feared becoming great because..."

http://clutchmagonline.com/newsgossipinfo/saul-williams-dear-history/

I could not help but wonder about the effects of Saul's letter on my children tonight. What kinds of seeds did I plant tonight, what kinds of seeds were begin deposited into their fertile growing minds? Because there was defiantly something that took root as I read Saul's poem to history. I heard it in the silence --and saw the flicker in their eyes -even felt the warmth that circulated itself all throughout my room.

They heard something that remains hidden from me and my adult eyes. Especially Pharaoh. He, a toddle full of youthful energy moved not a bone or made not a stir -and I read over three pages. If I could have, I would have continued to read forever. Just read into my mouth grew dry, get a drink and begin again.

Read until walls & barriers were knocked down and replaced by bridges. Kept reading until the Congo began to overflow with love & peace.

Ceasefire.

I hit on something with tonight's reading. Something that can not be explained but had to be experienced and something that had to be acknowledged & appreciated --just like peace. I saw the electrical force fields of energy that moved about, enveloping them individually. I saw what they heard, what they felt, what they understood, what they believed, what seeds were deposited.

I saw THEM as I read them the poem. If I scared easily, I would be frightened because something was in my home tonight. I watched as words controlled the tempo of tonight's poem, instead of the usual story. I watched as passion and enthusiasm made its point. When I came to the end of the poem, no one spoke a word. No one. Not even my youngest daughter, who always has to give her take on the character, or tell me that she did or didn't like it. She just got up out the bed, walked over to me and gave me goodnight loving. That's it.

Dance

It's important for people who have overcome neglectful childhoods to take the time and learn how to dance.

About three/four years ago, Mr. Joanne Helton gave me a twenty dollar bill and demanded that I head to the mall directly after school and purchase Leanne Womack's, I Hope You Dance. She wanted me to listen it on a daily basis because it would do wonders for my soul in the long run.

Is there a song that you listen to whenever times get difficult? Would you care to share it with others?

I took that music cd home and put it on repeat until I knew every song on the cd. About a week later, Mrs. Helton noticed that I was dancing a bit more around class and whenever I was interacting with others. Pleased my soul to know that she noticed.

It's important to learn how to dance with people. It's required if you are someone who normally takes things personal. I went through a brief period of always assuming & taking some of the --smallest-- childest things personal. But as I grew wiser, I saw that none of this shit is personal. People (for the most part) are not out to get us. We are no longer running from the "bogey man". Most of the people we encounter now-and-days are just doing what is needed to survive. Nothing more. Nothing less. There is no conspiracy...just life.

It's important to know that!

Part of learning how to dance is learning how to pick a fight. Praying before you engage in battle & warfare (I am a FIRM --WILL.NOT.BE.MOVED. believer in mediating and praying before warfare.) Laughing hysterically, manically & out loud. Agreeing as much as you disagree. And most important stop taking everything every wrong every hurt every disagreement every broken promise every "s/he didn't say hi to me" every dirty look so personal.

You're safe now & free to dance as wild & free as dreams are.

Dance past and beyond the stars soar right up besides the sun feel the warmth of its heat ignite the fire within, fore, the sounds of the universe are plentiful & ripe always in season the same can be said about man.

Have a Story? Share it!

I listen to other people because we all have our own unique story.

A perspective so unique and entirely ours we should always give praise to the creator. In the years before we take our final bow and see what else is out there, beyond the physical, we make some great strides and also spend a lot of time learning valuable lessons. People tend to refer to them as mistakes.

In the meantime, I've met wonderful people full of interesting thoughts, powerful ideas and who had the kindest of hearts. And most of mankind have not found favor with them.

For example, I am friends with a man named Jack. We meet up at our local library about 3 times a week and talk politics, people, and positivity. He believes in aliens, God and the need for major corporations. Whenever we talk or discuss things, he refers to me as a liberal, which still to this day amazes me. Me...a liberal! However, I am convinced that HE (although he downplays this) is a genius. He downplays his intelligence but there is no doubt he could hold a conversation with everyone from Einstein to Marx to Jesus and still shine. He is extremely intelligent & very gifted. He has to have an IQ of about 160 or so. And he is the most encouraging, interesting, humble person I have ever met. I am amazed at the things that comes out of his mouth and at the same time how humble & completely down to earth this guy is. I take away something each time we speak.

Every person is of interest and of heart and of talent and of a way to find a way. We fail to take the time to get to know the greatest of us unless they come forward with degrees, rank and power. And that's okay too. Everybody is of interest. But not everyone is as interesting and unbelievable as, Jack.

First Black President

Originally, I was not all that interested in voting this year until Saul Williams came to Arizona. I went to see him perform live in concert one day and speak at a local college the next day. When he finished his speaking engagement and we were dismissed, I had second thoughts about voting.

I'll admit, I'm not very fond of America and the energy that it gives off to it's people but I decided to register anyway. Everyone is my household followed the presidential debates together and Obama grew on us all. I am not afraid to say if a Republican appealed to me, I would vote as one. But I am not a staunch Republican or Democratic.

I finally registered to vote in Mesa, Arizona, outside of a Tattoo Convention when I was trying to come up with images for my back & sleeve. My voters' registration card came in the mail about two months later and I sat it on the shelf of my bookcase.

On November, 4, 2008, I used it to vote for Barack Obama.

This is what I wrote on November, 4th;

I bathed, applied my make-up and picked out my most business-like attire. Afterward, I put my son into his finest threads, went to pick up both of my daughters from school and gave my oldest daughter the pen so that she could cast our vote.

All the while, I stared at all of my children thinking of them as the next Obama, Oprah & Condoleeza. The next generation of possibilities & insight. Sending positive thoughts & healing to the hearts and minds of my grandchildren and great-grand.

We walked over to the booth, my oldest daughter picked up the pen, looked back up at me, and I said, “You know what to do.” And she did. We have been talking about this moment for a while now. We’ve watched every presidential debate together and even prepared the speech she had to give to her class mates on the reasons she thought Obama would be the better president together.

It was her time to shine and my time to sit back and watch her. It is Obama’s time to shine. There are so many people who fought very hard for this chance. They died believing in the future.

I ride on that wave of hope, faith, courage, determination & desire today. I hope you do too.

I dedicate this day to Ms. Tubman
B. 1820 - March 10, 1913

I met every word of it too. As a child, I thought I would never live to see a black person be President. Even when Al. Sharpton & Jesse Jackson ran for office, I knew they would not win. I'm rejoicing in the fact that I lived to see such a day.

You see, I am a writer & dreamer. That is what I do. I take faith and combine it with action which produces rainbow colored results. I encourage and inspire the souls of young twinkling stars who have short arms but a long reach. When I am cynical, it never lasts long because the creative "muse" in me, takes control once again and direct my thoughts towards the sun. Ideal & I are One! I am all that I need to be, all that have ever been needed. When I look in the mirror, I see God. I see life and the music I listen to reflects this and the tattoos I wear on my body and the jewelry which adorns my inner soul and the poets I give an ear to and the books I digest and the man that I have married and the people I call my friend and the salads I prepare for my family and the incense that I burn and the sage that I use to rid my home of evil thoughts & spirits and the things I require from my children and the mistakes I have made and the people I have bent over backwards for all reflect my inner being and the way I see life.

I am who I am!

"Always will be always was, the center of a perfect circle, I am your soul" - Cee-lo

Destined For Greatness

It's time for people to get off my bus. I had to kick a few members of my biological family off about two months ago and have noticed that my bus feels much lighter than before.

Carrying everyone to the promised land is not possible, although I was once under the impression that I was strong enough to do so. But once I saw the truth, it changed the way I saw things and I acted according to this new truth. Ahhhh!

To be this light on my feet is pleasing to my body.

Wednesday I started going back to talk therapy so that I can come up with a few new goals for myself. These goals will be what I use as I enter this next stage/level of my life. One of the things my therapist asked me to do was to come up with a list of ideal qualities that I'd like to have. The other thing she wanted me to do was to write down my ideal day. My mother or father are no where in these new goals. My siblings are no where in my new goals.

I like this stage.

It's fresh. It's new. It's exciting, filled with wonder & amazement. I smell change in the air. It's an overpowering smell, sort of like freshly cut grass on a Saturday morning. I can hear the sounds of better days where the water that flows forth from me will be free from poisons & toxins. The kind of clear fresh water that one can find in glaciers & polar ice caps will be found in my personal reservoir.

I like this stage.

It confirms to me that I have arrived. I have journeyed & backpacked across deserts, swam across shark infested oceans and ended up at the garden of Eden. I know my work is not done, nor did I expect it to be. However, I am taking this time to just take everything in. I am resting my bones, resting my mind, burning sage & incense, and putting my guns & knives away. Praying for the days ahead.

I like this stage and thank God that I have arrived.

Destiny: Something To Which A Person or Thing is Destined

Like a minute in a day
lightning in the sky
As you were emerging from out of me
I began to cry

I didn't know much then
But I have a better understanding now
of the significance you had
in my life when you made your first sound

I'll never forget the sparkles that glistened
when I first looked into your eyes
in them were my reasons to live and thrive
that soon replaced my selfish thoughts of dying

The pure smell of your flesh
as I held you close
suddenly you were all that I needed
and what I wanted the most

Your smile

Your happiness

You

There has never been a time
when you haven't managed to make me laugh
from the first time you learned to walk
to the first time I gave you a bubble bath

In all of the world, there will never be another like you
take peace and comfort in this
bless the world with your presence
as you have done for me.

Shelter for My Sisters Because I Am Being Restored

What about on a spiritual level?

Everyone wants to be famous for doing the "Claire Huxtable" in the African Female Community (thanks Khadija for that one) but what about the Spiritual Level? Trying to know God/dess while here on earth and then exhibiting God/dess-Like behavior. I would gladly stand by such a woman because that is who I am.

She is a rarity.

I enjoy reading the thoughts and essays written by a woman who has chosen not to belittle herself or ever lower herself to someone else's standards. It is hard here in America to find such a woman. A woman that has been enticed by temptation but has managed to "stay straight."

In the meantime, that is how I'd like to be remembered and what I'd like to be known for...following that narrow road to God. Giving the best of me to everyone I meet, doing whatever God asks of me.

African American women, at the end of time, will be able to say that we had dialogue with other African American women and collectively discussed our fate. Whether we agreed on a path to take or if each of us went our own separate ways, we discussed our future with other women of color, and I was apart of one of the many necessary conversations that have taken place.

I am participating in some of world's most beautiful thoughtful, provocative conversations. As a child, I'd never imagine such a beauty and the fact that these smalls moments are not bragged about is surprising and at the same time puzzling.

There is a calm when you live in peace and dwell in growth. I like the angle I see life from because it changes as I wisen, mature and grow. It's not a permanent state of mind. I am free to change my road if need be, and I like that. There are many discussions taking place about the state of the black community/family. Conversations and blogs written about everything from disciple to friendship. Leaving me many times speechless because of the importance of it all.

What is the African American's Woman next move?

Why does she choose this path?

How will it benefit her?

What are the consequences of her current conditions?

How does she go about making a change?

What literature we suggest for further study?

Last hopes, wishes, thoughts and prayers?

I am listening to the comments of an extremely intelligent, capable group of women whom, with God/dess grace and mercy will be able to give AA women a starting point to call our own. With this new hope, we encourage other women to be "prayed up" for days ahead. This is crucial for our survival for not only our individual survival but collective as well.

We may not admit to it but there is nothing like a "girlfriends" love. Nothing like calling another sister when we are upset and ready to kill everyone within eyesight. She'll ride with us because she is there in "our" moment...never really liked that guy anyway. She is familiar with our struggle and for some unexplainable reason, we appreciate her more than anyone of our other friends. It is this woman/friend we are missing and yearning for in the African American community.

Most of us know this and that is why not having a friend is considered such a horrible thing especially after one has made all of the right decisions.

What happened to the African American Women Community and can her heart be repaired and her doubts unfounded enough to begin a friendship with someone who needs her --like another AA woman?

Seems the female spirit has been torn apart by the collective. She isn't as strong and potent as before. She's lost a lot of her power and now resorts as being referred to as a gift, or an exception. If you have a true friend that you can count on for emotional support, you are very lucky. Be sure to nurture and maintain that unity. What you have is a rarity in the African American community.

Can we heal her in time? In my personal opinion, we're beyond certain things by now and we all haven't grasped that fact. Friendships are overrated and unnecessary because we don't need that lifeline to survive; there will always be life found in the artificial. Enough so that we are able to avoid one-on-one contact and remain selfish and only concerned with our individual needs.

But back to the question about the spiritual level.

It's not popular nor will it bring you fame; people knowing what you've contributed to the soul of the Universe. The deeds that you perform on a spiritual level stay there. Sometimes when you do things for God it is just between you and him/her. There isn't another soul who knows of your deeds. They remain unknown to man, no matter how "good" the decision you've made.

Honestly, I'd prefer just God to know of my actions and thoughts, this way I can be judged by the Judge...whoever s/he is. But sometimes I would like to be recognized and appreciated for my works by my fellow man and no matter what I do, they pass me by. Not all but enough to remind me that I am not a Beyonce Knowles nor will I ever be a Paris Hilton.

As my husband always points out, a bi-polar Assata Shakur with an eccentric, eclectic twist. I gladly take that title. It is my crown and the only person I can be.

Tired of Garbage Music? Check these men out: Maxwell & Jamiroquai

Alrite, I've been taking some time to get my thoughts together. Right now, my mind is being subjected to many changes and truths as they resonate with my soul at this time. I can always change my mind later.
So, please bear with me as I take the necessary time to my act/mind together. Until then, I'd like to leave you with two videos from fantastic artists like Maxwell and Jam

The first is Maxwell's This Woman's Work and to be completely honest there is a whole list of things I love about this song. One of the first things that come to mind is the way it pulls at my heart string's as soon as the song starts to play. I really can't say too much about Maxwell at this moment...I'd go on and on and on --well you get point.



Maxwell's This Woman's Work

The second video is by Jamiroquai. The name of the song is Corner of the Earth. It's a little jazzy toe-tapping song that you can't afford to miss or not give a good lesson. I was introduced to Jamiroquai in Germany. His music took over the Germany video station my husband and I use to listen to, in order to get our hip-hop & R.B fix. (In fact, that was the first time I heard of Cee-lo and have been in love with him ever since. It was the video of Closet Freak.) Jamiroquai made me take an geniune interest in him with the creative videos and his unique funky "come and take me" style.

Check him out. You'll be glad you did.

Thoughts By My Fellow Man: A Series

I am starting a series of Thoughts By My Fellow Man. Thoughts By My Fellow Man is a statement from an "average" human being that is of such insight and importance that everyone should hear it. It's important to know what our fellow man thinks.

The first Thought has been provided by my best friend, Link.

"As long as I'm eating NO man should starve...my bread is your bread."

Can anyone else say they have felt like this for another person? If you have when was the last time you had such a thought?

I met Link in Germany when he was ten years old. We clicked and have been like sister and brother since. He is my friend. Blood in, Blood Out. Link is nineteen years old and is looking forward to relocating to Germany for a job in the next year. He's a great hip-hop artist and likes to refer to himself as "Hip-Hop's Savior." And we all should be thankful for that given the current state of hip-hop. Good Luck Link! Check out his Myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecomlinklust

Because most of us are consumed with making money, keeping up with the Joneses' we no longer have the heart and concern to care for other human beings. I watch enough of it every day to know, that very few people can come out of their own worlds to enter into the zone of another person. It's a dangerous way to live and your soul will not benefit from this kind of thinking. Most of us live eat and thrive, but we are NOT sharing what we have with others.

As Link said, as long as each of us has something to give (smile, hug, book, song, letter, phone call, note card, money, food, clothing word of advice, ear, should of support) no other person should have to go without. DAMN!
Link, thank you for showing us that it is okay to share with others -whatever we have- and providing us with the first Thoughts By My Fellow Man.

Second Thoughts by My Fellow Man

In this series of Thoughts By My Fellow Man I have highlighted and made a mental note to tell others of the wisdom and common sense being spewed forth from "average" individuals. To often we read quotes from people dead and gone and while their view points are needed and should be used as reminders to the younger generation I will say this; there are people that we choose to walk by everyday that have built in reservoirs of knowledge and useful information. I can remember the first time I heard, Saul Williams, Talk To Strangers I was deeply moved by the song because I have always talked to complete strangers. In fact, whenever I am late or take longer than what is necessary my family will say, "She's talking to somebody." It doesn't matter. It one of the way I stay sane in this insane world.

Today's thoughts is by Khadija one of my most favorite bloggers. You can check her out here. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/
She was responding to a posting about why it is important for black women to reconsider the support we give to most damaged beyond repair black men. With that being said, I am an advocate for interracial relationships. Black women MUST widen their dating pools at as soon as possible. If you would like to read her response in it's entirety, please do so by going here.

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2008/10/living-well-not.html

Thoughts by our Fellow Man

"Once somebody harms a person, that person is not obligated to concern themselves with "redeeming" the aggressor. Or concern themselves with whether or not the attacker is redeemable. This sort of thinking is anti-self-preservation."

We women have been pretty well beaten down and stepped on by almost everyone. It's damn near difficult to get any respect --including other females. I've made a promise to myself to watch how I treat and speak about other women especially black women. Immediately I found myself gasping for air whenever I made a remark about a situation because rarely did I step into it acknowledging that I was dealing with another female spirit. The only thing I saw was a issue, and that made me really unsympathetic towards them. So, the first thing I do is make sure I openly acknowledge the gender, then I deal with the situation and usually this causes me to be flexible in my thinking. I don't want to hurt or contribute to the pain of other black women in any way.

Khadija's comment is for any women who has ever been abused or violated by a person. It demands me to ask of myself and for you to ask of yourself, what is self preservation?

Webster's Dictionary has this definition:

Main Entry:
self–pres·er·va·tion
Pronunciation:
\-ˌpre-zər-ˈvā-shən\
Function:
noun
Date:
circa 1614
1 : preservation of oneself from destruction or harm
2 : a natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one's own existence


What must I do to preserve myself from the harm being inflicted by other people? Does a lion go back to the scene of battle and concern himself with whether he killed the hyena? Noooo! In my opinion, this care & concern for the aggressor is deeply ingrained in religion. But at the same time there are many parts of the bible that tells you a "eye for a eye."

For me this feeling of no longer feeling sorry for those whom have preyed on me as a child, is something new for me. I just adapted this thinking in the last week or so, and it shows, I admit. I'm a newbie but I understand the principle so well, I feel like on oldie. I am now like a wild animal, I have no remorse for those who try to do me harm. I will not tolerate it, neither should you.

I am Artemis Hunter: Devoted to The Chase (Poem)

I met a god on the way to the market place

With a smile upon his face

He walked upright

Strong like

His shoulders were bare and a tattoo of my name was engraved across his back

Intrigued, I then followed him until the wind swept him away


I cried in every emotion you can think of

Hoping my guy would reappear

Walking well into the night


"Fall back, my friend…fall back"


"Come unto thee & show me your face"


But the moonlight was not very bright that night

And he was able to hide amongst the shadows of our two worlds

I wish him well

I wish him peace

I never got his name

But neither could I forget mines

It was etched across his back



He can run for now

And at the morning's first light

I will hunt him down

A Letter To The Universe: That Which I Am A Part Of

I received that email I was expecting and just as I suspected I was emotionally bullied and totally misunderstood. Most people have no clue of the steps that are necessary in order to be freed from a life of misery and pain; this goes double for my family. I would share a excerpt from the email but who cares? I have to leave people with little vision alone so that they can get in contact with what they need to do in order to free themselves.

Freedom comes at a cost. It's different for each person, I know. What I must do to be liberated is not what they must do, and the real truth is that I have gotten this far without my family. What do I need to go through their shit for? There is NOTHING for me back there with them.

Dearest Universe,

Here I am a faithful servant with an ego and selfish needs. If I am taking the wrong road with my family, shed your wisdom upon me so that I can do better. There is a lot of pain and hurt in the hearts of my relatives. And it pains me to remain in close contact with them, so I decided to cut all ties until they seek professional help. I know it'll get easier as the years go by, but they don't think I can do it and that alone will remain my inspiration.
I have a writing career I must focus on and my family --who returns my love. My siblings and mothers are very selfish, spiteful people. I admit I was once that way but stone by stone I have built a different kind of life for myself. I am very proud of the changes I have made and I look forward to MANY more. I look forward to establishing myself as a writer, watching my children graduate from college, having grandchildren, returning back to Europe, and remaining partnered up with my husband until our flesh goes back to the earth. And our spirits linger, roam and are truly freed.
If there is something I am not seeing, shine your light on it. Because right now I will have nothing more to do with any of them. I am smiling as I say this because I would have never thought I was able to reach this level of maturity. I have loved them all, one in particular but I draw a line. It was you who have provided me with this strength and insight in the first place. It was you who demanded me to demand more from myself. I have done all that you asked. Is there anything else you need me to do in regards to my family or am I free to move on? I'll await your answer as I always do.
Your devoted servant,
Latasha

PS. How long did they expect me to wait?