Not Everyone Overcome Abuse-2

The reason i ask that we make it a valid point to understand those victims of abuse is because as a society we damn sure do not do enough to help them. In fact, most of us usually try to gravitate towards people with only shiny backgrounds. I contribute this to our fascination with perfection and beauty. Or we gravitate towards those we have MOST in common with and that is great however that should NOT keep you from understanding others who you have very little in common with, right? I always make an attempt to see something as best as I can through another persons eyes. I can still believe what I want and still understand what you see. I do it all the time. I also have confidence and faith in myself to know if there is a better way to look at the particular situation I will eventually do that. In time. And there have been a few times when I was enlightened by the other person's ideas and thoughts concerning a matter.

For ex. I am a registered member on MotheringDotCommune. And I knew that there were other mothers who had miscarriages, still-borns, babies who died immediately after being born and those parents of children with special needs. But after being an active member for about a month, and seeing the different threads started, I have noticed more children with special needs than I ever remember seeing before. So, this Sunday I was at the park and there was a boy about seven years old and I could see he had special needs. He was a beautiful young boy, and his parents were normal. However, while swinging on a swing it suddenly dawned on me, I have been looking Right BY those families before. I never saw them nor did I want to. And why should I. We have nothing in common. All of my children were born "normal" right? WRONG!

I should know children with special needs exists and their struggles. We all should, many of us went to school with them. But I have no idea how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs and obviously most people do not want to. That is why there are groups and meetings especially for these parents. So they can bond and form friendships with other parents of children with special needs. So, the cycle continues because they also go right by a mother with a normal child to befriend someone she has more in common with. We don't have to be friends but we should know about their struggles and difficulties. We should know about their fights. Plain and simple, we should know a lot more about other people than we do. We should care about the journey of another person. We should respect it as the path of a fellow traveler and move on. And we should always see ourselves in the eyes of another.

Because after the support groups and meetings are all over, they come in contact with people like me and you. A support group is not the only place we should be able to get our backing from. People should not have to leave a room where everyone inside are the only people able to relate to their experience and walk into a world of billions and feel like a stranger.

Understand This

I've noticed that since my mother have overcome her addictions that friends and family have this strange idea that I should get over it. Forgive my mother, and move on (especially since she does not like "dwelling" on the past.). Well, here is the problem -it's not just her past. Her decisions have directly affected the lives of all six of her offspring's. My siblings. And how the other five choose to deal with what happened to us as children is up to them.

I deal with things differently. I cry, scream, write, paint, process and talk. And I do it often in the confines of my own home, at least every three or four months now. There was a time when I was dealing with my issues of abuse and neglect at least twice a week, if not more. So, I don't just forgive and move on. That's not what I do. Period! And if my mother and I are to ever REALLY have some kind of relationship, she HAS to understand that about me.

There are a lot of people in my family who feel like I need to just get over shit. Just move on, Tasha. Your mother has gone through enough already. Guess what, FUCK YOU! I mean that in the most serious way possible. And the real fucked up thing is it has always been like this. When I was young people use to say "just forgive your mother." She was always protected by somebody. While I was robbed of my childhood, damn near starved and frozen to death, and forced to endure all kinds of sick behaviors from other people who as children were probably forced to also endure all kinds of sick shit. As a child, and then as a teenager, I was expected to just blow it off. That was an unrealistic expectation and it was also unfair. And if that is what people who are close to her expect me to do, it will never happen. I can't do it, and I should not be expected to try. Not when I am the one who was abused. I say what works for me, not her. I say what I deserve, not my mother or her friends. She had that chance and blew it. She was the first human I came in contact with. She could have broken the cycle, but she didn't. She stopped her drug habit. She was strong enough to do that. And if I am not able to truly build a relationship with my mother because of my need to talk about the past, so be it. I'll lay my head down on a pillow, and cry about that when the time comes. Or I'll keep writing until I push past it. But, I won't shut up because of what it's doing to her. Who the fuck is she? Is she more important than the babies she gave birth to? And then whose cribs she walked past whenever we were crying? Is she more important than her children whom she failed to protect when predators would prey upon us in our innocent youth? Oh, because she's no longer addicted to drugs and apologized we must all just move on? To be honest, I'm just throwing scenarios out there, I don't give a fuck about what her followers think or believe. I can not deal with my past like that.

For example, my father was also a dead beat in all of the same ways my mother was, BUT he acknowledges my angers. He has validated my pain. And we talk about his failure as a parent whenever I bring it up. Because when it is on my mind, it's never to belittle him or my mother. I just need them to know what I am feeling –at that time-about OUR past. And my father listens. I'm sure there are times when he doesn't want to think about his short comings but he understands this is what I must go through. That is why we are able to talk. And he has accepted that. If my mother doesn't than we will never move past where we are currently. She has my understanding and sympathy for what she was forced to endure as a child. I know what her mother did to her. I know about my grandfather. But beyond understanding, being sympathetic, and being sad for her, I feel very little. And if she is NOT able to understand where I am coming from, then that's where the sidewalk ends for the both of us. We can go no further. I'm also willing to accept whatever comes with it.

It took me many years to not only know what I was ENTITLED to as a person, but to also understand why I was ENTITLED to certain thing as a human.